Ever experienced this… “Oh $%*£, the boss is looking. Must close Facebook NOW!”. Of course you have you naughty little so and so.

I’m sure that in just a few short years, Facebook alone has evolved the human reaction time to hit a close browser button at a speed that would make even Darwin’s beard curl.

But what if you’re too slow?

What excuse can you give for being caught ‘liking’ a picture of your friend’s dog wearing sunglasses? Here are 7 excuses for using Facebook on company time…

1. ‘Facebook promotion is increasingly important for our marketing mix.’

This excuse really is a get out of jail free card. Facebook has transcended being about friends (and stalking) to become the darling of the business world. Look up any big blue chip company and they’re on Facebook, trawling for fans and uploading pictures from their office Christmas party.

You just need to creatively segue how you replying ‘ROLF’ to a status update about dropping an iPhone down the loo is creating valuable brand awareness.

2. ‘I’m spying on our competition.’

To your boss your competition is the sworn enemy. They are Rommel to your Monty. But to you they are a secret blessing. Why? Because they have a Facebook page. This gives you carte blanche to cruise Facebook all day under the pretence that you’re doing ‘industrial espionage’.

In fact, using the term ‘industrial espionage’ with your boss may even turn them on slightly.

3. ‘I’m researching our customers.’

The one thing that many managers don’t realise is that, just because they don’t let their employees use Facebook, it doesn’t mean that the rest of the world won’t. Facebook will be riddled with your customers sharing the most intimate details about their hopes, dreams and beliefs. This sort of information should be sliced gold for a marketing department.

Although good luck inferring a new marketing initiative from discovering that Alice White (customer account number 05784) likes to post pictures of her children and ends all her comments with little ‘x’ kisses.

4. ‘I’m networking with some contacts.’

In some situations this is called ‘grooming’ and is a matter for the courts of law, but if it’s a ‘business contact’ it suddenly becomes ‘networking’ and that’s just fine.

So just tell your boss that Jon ‘The Jono’ Barber is not actually your old university room mate who once made a cat drunk at Sarah Williamson’s party, but is really the new purchasing manager of Company XYZ, and that he’s tipped you off about a secret new tender about to be released.

5. ‘I’m defending our brand against bad press.’

A great scare tactic this one. Tell your boss that you heard about a ‘We hate [your brand]‘ group on Facebook through a big potential client, and you were looking into it. The boss will practically order you to spend the rest of the day on Facebook then.

However, if they asked to be shown this group you just need to switch track. Simply say you heard about it last week and contacted Facebook to have it removed. Today you were just checking it had been removed, which it has, and this is why you cannot find it any more.

You could even add a ‘…we really dodged a bullet with this one, boss…’ to get more brownie points.

6. ‘I.T. asked me to check the firewall was working.’

It’s a long shot but it just might work, especially if your boss isn’t too tech-savvy. You could also try and add a bit of supporting evidence by pre-creating a draft email to I.T. with a list of other websites and whether the firewall was working on them too.

If your boss asks why they couldn’t check it themselves, mumble something about proxy servers and roaming IP addresses until their eyes glaze over a bit.

7. ‘I think XYZ from sales is wasting time on Facebook.’

If all else fails, turn Super Grass. To use this excuse you either need to be desperate or so Machiavellian that even Machiavelli himself would de-friend you. You just need to pull a serious yet slightly concerned face as you deliver the excuse… like a knife into their back.

You could add the twist by saying ‘…I though it was especially important to check given that sales should be working on that big contract at the moment, which I know is so important to the company…’.

Then take yourself to a quiet room and think about what you’ve done.

Badger Dave’s article round up

The trick to getting away with using Facebook at work is to legitmise it as a genuine marketing tool. Show to your boss that it’s an important medium to reach new customers, learn about your competition and find new ideas and you’ll have a Facebook Budget before you know it.

Then you’ll be green lit to look at your ex-partner’s photos and bitch for months to come.

Been caught on Facebook? Got away with it? Share your own excuses as a comment below…